When people ask me what the biggest lie alcohol ever told me was, they usually expect me to say that it convinced me I didn't have a problem, or that I could stop whenever I wanted. While those thoughts certainly crossed my mind over the years, they weren't the lie that held onto me the longest.

The biggest lie alcohol ever told me was that I needed it to become more of who I wanted to be.

At one point, I started believing I was more confident with a drink in my hand. I believed I was more creative, more outgoing, more relaxed, and perhaps more comfortable in my own skin. Looking back now, I realize alcohol never gave me any of those things. It made it easier to stop paying attention to everything I was trying so hard not to feel.

I used to pour a glass of wine while watching my favorite shows because everyone on television made it look so normal. The women would raise their glasses, laugh together, and celebrate life's moments, and before long I found myself doing the same thing at home. Only my glass didn't look like theirs. What started as one glass often became much more, and eventually it wasn't about celebrating anything at all. It had quietly become part of my routine.

The same was true when I was working on building Rising Soul Chronicles. I'd pour a drink while creating jewelry, writing messages, or packing orders, convincing myself that alcohol helped me relax or become more creative. The truth was, my creativity was never coming from the alcohol but from me, and alcohol was taking credit for something that had belonged to me all along.

I also believed alcohol gave me the courage to say what I had been holding back, but those words had always been there. Alcohol didn't create them. ALCOHOL DIDN’T CREATE ME! It only removed the filter that kept them inside. As I continued healing, I realized how much my throat chakra had suffered from years of swallowing my feelings, avoiding difficult conversations, and convincing myself that silence was easier. Sobriety challenged me to find my voice without depending on anything outside of myself, and that has become one of the greatest gifts this journey has given me. 

Realizing that changed everything. When I chose sobriety, I discovered that my creativity, ideas, or purpose didn't disappear. If anything, they became stronger because I was finally focused enough to experience them. Today, I create because I love creating. I write because I have something to say. I show up because I want to, not because I need something outside of myself to convince me that I can.

Looking back, I don't believe alcohol ever made me stronger. I believe it delayed my opportunity to discover the strength that had been there all along. The moment I released my dependence on it, I was finally able to hear my own voice, strengthen my faith, and align with the calling I believe I was created to fulfill.

That doesn't mean every day has been easy. It hasn't. There have been difficult days, lonely days, and moments when I questioned myself, just like everyone else. The difference is that today I trust myself enough to sit with those moments instead of running from them.

That's a gift alcohol could never have given me.

A Question to Leave With You: What have you been giving credit to that may have belonged to you all along?

If you'd like to put your thoughts into words, I'd love to hear from you. You can send your reflection to TheRisingShelf@gmail.com. From time to time, I may feature selected reflections, always with your permission and anonymously if you prefer, as part of a future community collection. Thank you for trusting me with your truth.

Always rooting for you,

Angelica